Yard Sale Addict

N. Holly - Toco Hills, Estate Sale

In the front yard of this large Toco Hills ranch home was a sign from the auction and estate company announcing the sale. When I arrived it was already late into the second day of the sale but the home was still filled with an assortment of clutter. Coming in the side door I went into the kitchen to find three boxes of unopened food for sale. This being Toco Hills there was the usual two boxes of Matzo. There were also dry soup mixes, some canned beets and beans and a box of mix for a bread machine. Nearby on the counter were no less than four partially used spray cans of Scotch guard. In one cupboard was a variety of mugs, some saying grandmother, others with “Alison’s Bat Mitzvah” one had a handle on the inside of the mug and proclaimed “Made in Poland”, another mug saluted the millennium with the words “Millennium Family” with smiley faces in the zeros of 01 01 2000.
In the living room were five television sets with screen sizes from 15 to 32 inches. Flanking either side of the largest TV were two massive speakers and a stereo system in a glass cabinet. Nearly hidden behind the largest TV was a large oil painting of a woman. On a nearby table were three brunette wigs; below the table was a selection of LP’s as well as a few dozen 78’s. One of the 78s was Sinatra’s “I could write a book”. The lp’s included “An evening with Tom Lehrer”,” Mambo at midnight”, “Brazen Brass zings the strings” “Bagels and Bongos” and the complementary “Champagne and bongos” there was also an Lp by the Yaarab Band recorded at the Yaarab Temple on Ponce De Leon. Other media in the room included a Cd of Hooked on Swing and Songs of World War II. VHS tapes included two by Richard Simmons “Grovin’ in the house” and “Blast off” both were unopened. There was also a tape of ‘The California raisons sold out”. Other items in the living room included a small mirror with a picture of children jumping on a bed etched into it and a brass etched relief of the Santa Maria. I was delighted to find yet another millennium item, on a table was a snow globe honoring the millennium bug. Inside the globe was a little plastic computer, for snow it had ones and zeros that floated around when the globe was shaken. The notorious date of 01-01-00 was on its base.
There were two bedrooms both packed with women’s clothing. In one was a frightening lamp with a demonic clown at the base. It’s the type of thing that can scare you when it’s on as well as when it’s off. In one bedroom were enough ladies shoes to make Imelda Marcos jealous. An interesting item found in a bedroom cabinet was the Knit wit bowler, a small crocheted figure of an angry bowler. On a shelf below the angry bowler was a Goofy floor puzzle and the Girl Talk game. Most of the clothing was incredibly bright and on the verge of garish. Notable was a black and white hounds tooth jacket with matching hounds tooth boots. There was a dizzying array of stuffed animals. A sign indicated they were only 50 cents.
Down in the basement I spotted even more stuffed animals including a dirty white unicorn. On a table was an antiquated computer selling for $20. The omnipresent uninstalled ceiling fan set nearly. Leaning against the basement wall was a massive ornate gold headboard lacking a bed. Across the room was an old Gesetner mimeograph machine. Next to it was a large box of crossword puzzle magazines. Also on the lower level was a bowling ball and AB flex exercise device.
In what may have been a den I found a two and a half-foot tall pepper mill, bight yellow bar stools, playing cards from the SS Norway and a cardboard box filled with loose light bulbs.
In an office area was an attractive Kimball organ, and no less than five computer monitors each priced under $20.
Books in the office included “ 1001 free goodies and cheapies”, “How you can use inflation to beat the IRS”, “The Hite Report”, “The Fat Book”, “Succulent Wild Women”, ”Everything you always wanted to know about sex…” and ”The last days of America” Still in its original box with Suzanne Summers face staring at me was a Thighmaster Plus.
I bought nothing.